With all this talk of “Who should we vote for?” in the upcoming presidential election there are many strategies being proposed.
“Vote for the lesser of two evils,” seems to be the most popular. However, I have an entirely different solution. Let’s ditch the whole lot and put Computer Programmers in charge. Why?
1. Computer Programmers Actually Fix Things
That isn’t to say they don’t create new problems as a result, but at least when they fix something it’s actually fixed.
2. They Deliver What They Promise
How often have you voted for a politician that promised NOT to raise taxes, who ended up raising taxes?
Now, how many times have you started Angry Birds and found you couldn’t attack some evil egg-stealing pigs?
3. They’re Good At Math
Economic troubles got you down? Why vote for someone who goes cross-eyed at the thought of long division, when you can have someone who regularly balances the complex equations in thousands of lines of code.
4. An End To Bureaucracy
Tired of endless red tape and government redundancy? A computer programmer could have it all automated by the end of his first term.
Federal Government 2.0.
5. What You See Is What You Get
No more empty promises or telling you what you want to hear. They gave up worrying about reputation long ago in High School.
Now for something completely different….
Here Are Some Computer Programming Jokes:
Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.
A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”
The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”
The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”
At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”
Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.
“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to anyone.”
The man below replies, “You must work in management.”
“I do” replies the balloonist, “But how’d you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”