Epic Wish List – Volume 2

I recently discovered some more incredible things to add to my Epic Wish List. Make sure to take notes Santa, as I will be expecting all of these things for Christmas this year.

This volume’s theme is Transportation.

The Water Jet Pack

Epic Water Jet Pack

While not useful for daily transportation (unless you live on a lake), the JetLev Flyer still looks like a lot of fun.

The range of this jet pack is about 30 feet above the water and 22 miles per hour.

They provide training lessons as well, with 3 levels of skill.

A Beginner doesn’t fully control the jet pack but is assisted by a remote operator. Try to avoid pissing him off or you’ll be doing the “face plant” for sure.

Intermediate and advanced users learn cooler maneuvers such as leaping takeoffs and mid-air donuts.

With the JetLev Flyer you’ll be the envy all those trust fund kids on their jet skis.

Retail: $130,000

The Ultimate Power Boat

The Ultimate Power Boat

I’m really pwning jet skis in this article. With the water powered jetpack and this new submersible power boat, jet skis will be a thing of the past.

The Seabreacher is the ultimate power boat. It skims across the waves at 40-50 miles per hour (depending on which model you buy) and 20-25 miles per hour under the water’s surface, although it can only go about 5 feet below.

Originally designed as a research vessel, it has been released to the public for recreational purposes.

The first model is designed to look like a dolphin but there is also a shark and killer whale model available.

Retail: $65,000 

Tron Motorcycle

Epic Gift - Tron Motorcycle

No longer just a geeky dream. This sick ride, produced by Hammacher Schlemmer has become a reality.

This is an illuminated, fully street legal motorcycle, inspired by Tron: Legacy the 2010 sequel to the original movie classic.

Powered by a Suzuki 996cc, 4 stroke engine, the rider lays in a nearly horizontal position while riding it. Pretty hair-raising at the bike’s quoted top speed of “in excess of 100 miles per hour”.

No geek could ever have a better hope of finally getting a girlfriend than this.

Retail: $55,000.00

Motorized Shoes

When you are feeling too lazy to walk all the way to the fridge for a soda you have 3 options:

1. Get your girlfriend to do it.

2. Invent some complicated motorized device involving wheels and conveyor belts to bring the soda to you.

3. Get motorized shoes to do the walking for you.

Face it. If you are this lazy, you don’t have a girlfriend. Inventing something requires work, so that’s out too.

The only option left is the one you can do from your crumb covered, soda can ladened computer desk. Order these shoes online, wait for them to arrive and then ask the delivery man to get the soda for you. If he won’t do it then I guess you can use the shoes as a last resort. It will take a few days for the package to arrive, but it’s all worth it if you can avoid having to move.

Retail: $649.00

Flying Car

Epic Gift - Flying Car

Ever since the first car was invented, man has dreamed of the “flying car”.

Now we have it. Not quite the hover-car of the Jetsons, but still pretty cool.

The “Transition” now being produced by Massachusetts-based firm Terrafugia, was originally design by students at MIT.

It is completely street legal and can travel 65 miles per hour on the ground (at a whopping 35 miles per gallon to boot). It travels about 115 miles per hour in the air.

It does require a Sport Pilot licence to fly, however, when the zombie apocalypse happens, I don’t think you will have to worry about any fines from the FAA as you fly to safety.

Retail: $279,000.00

 

Mobil Land Fortress

Mobile Land Fortress

 

Speaking of the Zombie Apocalypse…

The JL421 Badonkadonk (“Donk” for short) is a paranoid zombie conspiracy theorist’s dream.

It can transport cargo and up to 5 people at once. Also, it has lot’s of FEATURES:

– State of the art sound system with 1000 watt, 4 channel amplifier. Obviously the most important thing to have during the zombie apocalypse is the ability to slay zombies to “Down with the Sickness” with perfect sound quality.

– Bright halogen lights stationed about the top of the vehicle. The better to navigate your way through the zombie hoards with.

– Flame throwers and rear jets. The additional fire-power will come in handy.

– External PA system. To taunt the zombies as you drive by them.

– External camera. To easily monitor outside activity.

– Pivoting control stick. Allows you to drive it while sitting or standing.

– Head and Tail turn signals. To signal your turns…?

It is powered by a 6hp Tecumseh gasoline engine and capable of 40 mph. Too underpowered to face a full on zombie mob, so make sure to avoid them at all costs. Perhaps a future model will have a more powerful engine for pushing your way through waves of rotting zombie corpses.

Retail: $20,000.00

 Epic Wish List Volume 1


What'chu Talkin' 'bout Willis?