Epic Wish List

In a sensible world with all of your sensible expenses and bills there is often little room for the things you REALLY want. Sometimes you can get by with pining over magazines or websites, imagining what it would be like to have some of the miraculous things you see all around you. But, it just isn’t the same.

Even if you did save up the money for it, you’d probably just get laughed at and told to spend your money more “wisely” on sensible things like stocks or dental repair.

What if life was just a little more EPIC?

This is my Epic Wish List:

A Super Powerful Laser

Krypton Laser by Wicked Lasers

“The most powerful hand-held laser in the world (that you can legally own)”

While there are several models of the Spyder III Krypton laser, made by Wicked Lasers, the most powerful version is truly epic.

According to Wicked Lasers this laser is powerful enough to pierce through the Earth’s atmosphere and be seen in space.

It can also be seen from 85 miles away on Earth’s surface. The beam itself is visible from the side, like something out of a spy movie.

The best part, though, is that you can burn stuff!

Seriously! Videos abound on YouTube of popping balloons from 20 feet away, setting matches on fire, cutting through strips of paper. All of the cool things I always wanted to do with magnifying glasses when I was 6.

The Wicked Lasers sight is very careful to tell you not to shine this in anyone’s eyes, and to not even look directly at the terminating dot of wherever you are pointing this as it could cause permanent damage to the retina. Now that’s a laser!

Retail: $1000.00

 Military Grade Night Vision Goggles

Millitary Grade Night Vision Goggles

Whether you’re fighting off rebel raccoons in the back yard or trying to find your sandals under the bed, no domestic mission is fully equipped without night vision goggles.

I don’t mean those weak, green colored glasses you find in “spy kits” they sell to kids.

I mean the real deal.

While I always imagined night vision goggles would be a little sleeker by now, they still offer an unparalleled allure that polarized sunglasses can’t seem to match.

Retail: $3499.99

 A Castle

Custom Built CastleIf you’re going to spend money buying a house that you plan on living in for the rest of your life, why get some lame split level in the suburbs.

Let’s go Epic.

Let’s get a custom built castle!

At Castle Magic you can do just that.

If you have the property and the money they will build a castle to your custom specifications. Dungeon and throne room included.

There’s just nothing like waking up in the morning to a hot cup of cocoa along with the majestic view from atop your parapet.

If you’re concerned about the draft, don’t worry. They combine state of the art as well as traditional medieval building methods to give you that classic medieval look with modern convenience and comfort.

The average castle takes about 2 years to build.

Dragon, catapult and castle guards, sold separately.

Retail: $600,000 – $15,000,000

Jet Pack

Martin JetpackNothing could be more epic than arriving ANYWHERE in a jetpack. School, work, highschool reunion; even that annoying guy with the yacht can’t beat you with this.

Ever since scientists started shooting rockets into the sky, mankind has been promised the jetpack. A promise that would put the power of flight into the hands of every man. From comics to movies, this tantalizing prize has always been present but just out of reach.

Personally, I think Science is long overdue in delivering.

While there are certainly “traditional” jetpacks out there that work with actual fuel burning jets, none of them are really practical for anything more than short public events. They require jet fuel, which is hard to come by, and they are only capable of flying for maybe 8-10 minutes before having to re-fuel.

The new jetpack being produced by Martin Aircraft Company gets around all of this by using fans instead of jets. The engine that runs them is powered by regular gasoline and has a range of about 32 miles. Far enough for the average trip to the office so all of your co-workers can finally see how epic you are.

If you really want to make an impression, fly in with your high-powered laser, wearing night vision goggles and a picture of the custom built castle you live in. Your friends and family will never look at you the same again. I promise.

Here are some cool specs on the Martin Jetpack:

Size:                       5′ x 5.5′ x 5′
Weight:                 535 lbs.
Fuel Capacity:     5 gallons
Engine:                 V4, 200 hp, 6000 RPM
Range:                  31.5 miles
Max speed:          63 mph (This is per FAA regulations. Don’t worry we’ll get this fixed right away)
Vertical Range:   8000 ft.

Also, you don’t need a pilot’s license to fly it, although you are required to take the company’s safety course as part of the purchase agreement. The first of these bad boys are expected to ship (fly) out in 2013.

Retail: $100,000

These are just some of the Epic things I’m wishing for this christmas.

What would you put on your own Epic Wish List?

Epic Wish List Volume 2

2 Responses to “Epic Wish List”

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  1. The Castle Magic page is now a snow removal service.

    Sorry to disappoint readers of the article; but it’s the truth!

    I myself just HAD to try out the link (a castle’s my perfect home; me being the King of All Dragons and all [I’m also a European-Asian mix; behavior-wise, anyway. I’m a fierce, purple, Fire-Breathing European Dragon on the outside; but on the inside; I’ve got a soft heart for those who do good in the world, and who are brave and pure of heart and soul. If you don’t meet those conditions, AND/OR you try to steal from me or kill me; you’re food]).

What'chu Talkin' 'bout Willis?