The Reign of Our Feline Overlords is at an End

 

 

Feline Oppressor

Kings and Queens of their domestic domains, they rule over all they survey from atop their bookshelves, refrigerators or carpeted climbing trees. For ages cats have dominated their inferior human slaves with a cunning and thorough knowledge of exactly how to manipulate us.

But, no longer. By understanding the nature of these clever creatures we may regain our freedom and escape their terrible reign.

Use this information to turn the tables on your feline masters.

Feel free to add your own in the comments below if I’ve missed any.

#1: If You Put It Down, They Will Lay on It

 

Cal Lying on ShoeCat Lying on Book

 

Possibly the greatest Achille’s Heel a cat has. The irresistible urge to lay down on anything after it has been set down. Even the most seemingly uncomfortable objects are perfect candidates for a nap if it has been recently placed anywhere.

Their obvious intent is to demonstrate who the boss is, however this can be easily turned against them.

This is a useful diversion technique when your cat insists on laying in your lap and painfully kneading your leg.

 

#2: Cats Will Never Stay Where You Put Them,

Even if That’s Where They Wanted to Be in the First Place

 

 

 

This one is easy. If you don’t want a cat to go somewhere (such as the laundry basket or your suitcase), simply pick him up and put him there. Very shortly he will get up and go somewhere else.

The cat’s fierce independent streak prevents him from doing otherwise.

It’s a good idea to occaissionally encourage the cat to go there once in a while to reinforce the action; and NEVER do anything to make the cat think that you actually don’t want him there, as that is the surest method to attract him.

 

#3: Cats Never Use Something for its Intended Purpose

 Cat Playing with Blinds

 

Humans are often dismayed at the amount of money they spend on toys or other things for their cats that simply collect dust.

I myself have fallen for this. For example, one day it dawned upon me that my cats love to attack my toes when they move under the blanket in bed and that a cat toy that simulated this might really entice them.

I was in PetCo one day, buying cat food, and I came across the perfect toy. It had a mechanical mouse that moved around under a blanket. Images of playful cats pouncing and hunting swirled in my head. I was overjoyed because I knew they wouldn’t be able to resist it.

$50 later I discovered that they are scared of anything that makes mechanical noises and that cats really just want an excuse to attack people’s toes.


By understanding these aloof and intelligent creatures we can finally extract ourselves from their soft and cuddly yet iron fisted rule.

If you have any others that you have discovered, feel free to share them in the comments below.


What'chu Talkin' 'bout Willis?